stress

Trauma

This is going to be messy and unorganized, but unfiltered. I know there are people who have had it far worse than I could ever imagine and I feel deeply for anyone who’s gone through any kind of trauma. However, one of the biggest sources of pain and suffering that I see and experience inContinue reading “Trauma”

Revelations

I’d like to preface this by saying that I’m not a mental health or medical professional. If you’ve experienced any of the issues I talk about, please seek professional help. What I describe below has not been officially diagnosed for me, but is based on a lot of reading and introspection. Below are my lessonsContinue reading “Revelations”

Suicidal thoughts

This is my recent personal experience. It’s going to come across as self-centred and dark. However, I’m sharing it so people can understand and get into the mindset of someone going through suicidal thoughts. If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, seek professional help immediately. This time is different. Last time I was in despair andContinue reading “Suicidal thoughts”

Slow

IntroSometimes you need to say no and cut down. This will allow you to do fewer things better. This has been my journey over the past two years. OverloadI had two jobs and was studying for a diploma. I was also raising a child. I was consuming as much ‘educational’ content as possible. It soundsContinue reading “Slow”

Ménière’s?

In my previous post, I mentioned that work and separation from quality family time were making me sick. I meant this literally. Doctors suspect I may have Ménière’s Disease. The word ‘disease’ always sounds scary. In this case, it’s nothing life-threatening, but it is a pain in the ass. The definition and diagnosis of Meniere’sContinue reading “Ménière’s?”

Fracturing

It feels like I’m falling apart. A fracture to the brain. Not myself…not me. My judgement’s off. So close to the dream yet so close to losing everything. So much to live for. So many people to help, but I must help myself. I’ve been in survival mode for so long I’m running out ofContinue reading “Fracturing”

Chaos

Thinking: erratic. Task switching. No focus. What’s happening? Days full of progress, followed by friction. More sleep needed. How can we avoid mental chaos? Choose one thing and focus everything on that until it’s done. This will lead to much-needed salvation and mental rest. It’s time to prioritise. What’s the most important thing you needContinue reading “Chaos”

COVID-19

We left the country for 3 weeks and my wife got Covid! Although initially it was stressful and looked like an awful situation, there have been many benefits. Although I’ve tested negative every day so far, at the end, I’ll detail my daily symptoms.

R&R 2

In R&R, I wrote that I was transitioning between jobs. At the time of writing, I was six months into the job and I’d hit a wall. The timing of my holiday was perfect.

Recalibration

Recalibration (bionic reading)

You may have noticed I went dark for a while. I am currently in a transition period, the process of recalibration, learning how to go from teacher to manager. This has challenged the systems I had in place to protect my mental health. More on that later – a bit of background first and some lessons I have learned at the end. Background – From Teacher to Manager (Imposter Syndrome)Until just before my post on R&R, I had a highly productive schedule, using the early hours of the morning from 4 or 5 am to around 10 am to read, study or write. After that, I would have breakfast with my family and then cycle to work. This was working really well. I was tired but productive, achieving, increasing my self-esteem and staving off depression. Since then, I have transitioned from being a teacher to a regional manager. This means a big schedule change. My previous teaching hours were between 1 pm-9 pm. I now essentially have a 9-5 office job. My day off was Tuesday. Now it is Saturday & Sunday, but my part-time job was on those days until the academic year ended last week, so I worked three weeks with no day off. I also have to drive to work, which means less exercise and more stress (peak hour traffic, abrupt lane changes and stopping = a mini-heart attack every day!). The naive part of me thought the transition would be business as usual, just with some schedule adjustments. To stay productive, I thought it would just be a case of getting up earlier but I had not taken into account the stress of the new responsibilities and the lack of days off as I changed jobs.My first few weeks have been quite intense as I learn about my new role. AnxietyI have had very little time to feel depressed. What I have struggled with is anxiety.Here is what anxiety looks like for me: racing thoughts, increased heart rate, headaches from stress, impaired concentration and forgetfulness, incredibly focused concentration, and a general feeling of impending doom. In my main job, I have gone from being responsible for teaching around 8 classes to representing the whole company and being responsible (and first point of contact) for around 18 schools. This, and my lack of experience leaves me constantly questioning the decisions I make on a daily basis. I have the title, but I sometimes have the feeling of ‘Imposter Syndrome’.Continue reading “Recalibration (bionic reading)”

Stress and Anxiety

Fragments The importance of rest and purpose Summary/TLDR at the end. Let me pre-empt this by pointing out that, as the subtitle suggests, I have not been getting enough rest. It follows that I am not writing at my best, but I hope this will serve as a reminder to you to get enough rest!Continue reading “Stress and Anxiety“

Spontaneous Self-Reflection

Go to the end for lessons learnt. Let’s see where this goes… This is an unplanned exercise in regaining some clarity. Writing is, for me, a healing and growing exercise. It allows me to externalise what is important to me at any given time. It helps me to clear my mind and regain focus. TimeContinue reading “Spontaneous Self-Reflection”

General update

t has been a tough few weeks. My mental health has taken a dive and I do not feel able to write anything of quality at the moment.
When I am feeling better I will start writing constructive posts again, but for now, here is an update.

Overwork

It turns out there is such a thing as working too much. I think I have finally found my limit. I am at a crossroads. If I continue down this path I fear it will break me. Mentally or physically. I can already see the cracks forming. When you are inundated with stress and/or lackContinue reading “Overwork”

Stress can cause a whole range of problems, but you can overcome it by changing your thinking about stress and building systems and tools to deal with it. Each time you overcome a stressful situation you build resilience…

…The tough part is getting to the other side. How do you maintain clear thinking and overcome the challenges you face?

Self-analysis – Depression: a “depressive episode”

That was intense. What happened? If you read my last post “Depression: a “depressive episode”” you will see that I found myself in a pretty dark place. Things escalated very quickly to the point I felt unable to control the situation. It had been a long and gradual process that crept up on me andContinue reading “Self-analysis – Depression: a “depressive episode””