ER

None of the experience I describe below is advice. Despite the experience I describe, if you are experiencing mental health issues you should absolutely seek professional help that suits your needs. In an emergency, go to the ER, preferably with someone you trust who cares about you.

Recently, I found myself in the Emergency Room of my local hospital twice. My experience in the way I was treated each time differed wildly.

The most recent time in the ER was due to an infection that was rapidly spreading down my arm, despite taking antibiotics. I was triaged, waited a couple of hours and then taken in for tests, put on a drip of (different) antibiotics, and eventually sent home with a prescription for more antibiotics. The whole process took around 7 hours (as expected).

Weeks before this, I was facing a mental health crisis and told by someone on a helpline to go to the ER. I calmly presented at the ER and told them what was going on. After intake, I was told to take a seat.

After a while my senses became overwhelmed. The noises of the machines, the brightness of the lights, the amount of people all became too much, so I tried to leave, but was stopped on my way out by a nurse. She then let me go into the sensory room (where the door faces all of the patients) and told me if I need anything to come out and find her (through the noise and lights and people that were already overwhelming me). As a result, despite needing help, I stayed in that room with the light off, a blanket over myself, scared, alone and deteriorating.

Again, it was clear I was not a high priority, and no one had been checking on me, so I tried to leave again and was stopped again. The nurse offered me much needed food and drink and then I spent several more hours waiting alone in the dark. I began self-harming as a way to cope and eventually just gave up and left. Noone even noticed that time.

I’d been there for around 8 hours and missed the last bus home, so I was faced with a two and a half hour walk home which ended up taking much longer because my body was giving up (See Shutdown). Twenty minutes in, I received a phone call – someone had finally realized I wasn’t there and told me they were ready to see me now. I told them I wasn’t coming back. By the way I was treated, I didn’t think they’d take it seriously and eventually I’d have to walk back home anyway.

Needless to say, I survived. I did what I was supposed to do in a crisis. Going to the hospital may well have saved my life, but it also could have pushed me over the edge in different circumstances or if my coping strategies and phone calls failed. In fact, the next time I faced a crisis, I went to a mental health centre, where I was treated with dignity and respect, and taken seriously. Luckily, I got there before they closed.

Why is it that with a visible infection that could potentially kill me left untreated, my needs are respected and I’m treated with dignity, but if it’s mental illness that could potentially kill me, I’m not taken seriously and treated as a burden on the system. ‘Duty of care’ has come up a lot recently. Each time the person who said it seemed like they were more worried about their legal responsibility than about me as a human.

Although I’d like to see mental health treated as seriously as physical health, treating a mental health crisis is different. What I really needed (but didn’t know at the time) was someone to check if I had anything harmful on me and talk to me calmly, supportively, and without judgement until I was feeling stable enough to go home. I realise how intensive that would be from a staffing point of view, but I think I would’ve returned to a stable place fairly quickly rather than the escalation I experienced over many hours.

The treatment of mental health has come a long way since I was a child, but I still hope one day mental illness can be treated with the respect and dignity you would expect with physical illness.

Having said all this, if you are at risk of suicide, you should still go to your ER if you have no other options – your experience will hopefully be better than mine.