Losing

One more day, one step at a time – seek whatever help you need and hold on for tomorrow. Step.

Who am I? I’m not sure I’ve ever known what that means.

I prided myself on my intellect. I’m no genius, but my problem-solving ability has always served me and given me confidence.

My body shut down for a few days. I’m starting to get more function back, but I tried to do basic academic tasks and I couldn’t process anything. Executive function has left me.

Without cognition, what do I have left? I feel so lost. The deadlines are closing in and I’ve got nothing. I feel so unwell, yet I see no cure. Expectations, responsibility persist.

I’m drowning…

Out of desperation I told three people I trust some of what’s been going on. It helps knowing there are people who are there and won’t judge.

However, history tells me not to lean too much on them. Stepping stones not foundations.

I’ve never felt more alone. I’m losing this war.

Yet I hold on one more day. My life is in her hands.