This is my recent personal experience. It’s going to come across as self-centred and dark. However, I’m sharing it so people can understand and get into the mindset of someone going through suicidal thoughts. If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, seek professional help immediately.
This time is different. Last time I was in despair and felt I had no other choice. This time I feel relieved to have this option and I’m at peace with it. If I die, I’m okay with that.
In the hope of climbing towards something meaningful, I’ve pushed myself harder and harder and lost myself in the process.
I’ve been in overwhelm in my personal and professional life for several months. Finally, I can see the light glowing through.
The suicidal thoughts returned again. I thought family would be enough to stave it off. However, my situation over the last few years has distanced me from those I love. I’ve been experiencing varying levels of burnout.
Burnout kills empathy. I feel a shell of the former compassionate person I once was. It’s been hard to avoid becoming bitter, but somehow I’ve pulled through. I thank my family and bosses for that. I’m here longer than I thought I’d be.
I’m moving away from the situation that’s been destroying my mental and physical health. I’m moving toward the promise of something better for the whole family. Yet I know that if hope is lost once again suicide is an option. This gives me peace knowing I can check out at any time.
I have no plans to do so, but it helps me to get on with life. I’m going to give it everything I’ve got to make the new situation work so we can all thrive. Bring on February!
thejourneyx 