It feels like I’m falling apart. A fracture to the brain. Not myself…not me. My judgement’s off.
So close to the dream yet so close to losing everything. So much to live for. So many people to help, but I must help myself. I’ve been in survival mode for so long I’m running out of power. Pressure I suppose.
I know I’ll push through. But every day is hard.
“Why do you persist?!”
⁃ “Because I choose to.”
It won’t always be like this. This too shall pass.
Can I ever rid myself of the guilt and shame that’s eating me from the inside? I really don’t know.
I don’t know what normal is for you. I’m suspicious when I feel a hint of happiness and don’t know what normal sad feels like. I’m so used to monochrome and darkness it’s hard to see the full spectrum and accept fun and enjoyment, but I’m working on it. I’ve made a lot of progress. I want to raise my baseline so I can help more people and make more of life.
There is hope, I just need to hold on and pay for my sins.
What does normal look like for you? How do you deal with persistent negativity?
Love to all.
JR
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