Fragments
The importance of rest and purpose
Summary/TLDR at the end.
Let me pre-empt this by pointing out that, as the subtitle suggests, I have not been getting enough rest. It follows that I am not writing at my best, but I hope this will serve as a reminder to you to get enough rest!
If you have been following my story, my life took a rapid turn for the better at the end of 2021.
I defined goals and meaning for my life and have already achieved some of these and I am (mostly) on course to meet many more.
However, it would be disingenuous of me to pretend that my life is all sunshine and rainbows. The past few weeks have been a particular challenge.
The country in which I live recently went from a policy of Zero Covid to Living with Covid. The inevitable impact is that case numbers skyrocketed over the course of a few weeks. We have gone from handfuls of daily cases to the tens of thousands. Everyone’s lifestyles have been impacted in various ways. I will discuss how it has affected my mental health in particular, in relation to stress and anxiety.
My experience of stress and anxiety
Currently, I am under a lot of pressure-external and self-imposed. This has been true for a long time, but the difference now is the increase and my ability to adapt to it. When stress is constant and predictable, I have systems to manage it, but it has evolved into anxiety, which is a different beast I am not particularly familiar with (other than a few intense bouts many years ago).
I am now experiencing increasing levels of anxiety, which is something I am learning how to cope with. My current experience of anxiety manifests as an increased heart rate, racing thoughts, a general tenseness in my body, a prickly feeling under the skin in my arms, headaches, mouth ulcers, brain fog and exhaustion (I call this stress tiredness). Regular tiredness is different from stress tiredness in that I feel completely wiped out and can fall asleep rapidly if the conditions are right (dark and quiet). Stress and anxiety deplete my energy much more rapidly than depression ever has and I am not getting enough rest, which compounds the problem.
The most notable effect of all this is that my productivity and concentration crashed rapidly and continue to decline.
My mind is fragmented, I cannot easily finish one thought before another takes hold. I am not present with my family. While writing this it is particularly challenging to maintain coherence. I keep editing and re-editing. It feels like navigating thick fog. The combination of lack of quality rest and increasing stress is proving to be a big challenge.
My current stressors
My current stressors are work, study, family, and, inevitably, time (or lack thereof).
Work carries the risk of infection for me and my family. Thankfully though I am now mostly teaching online. However, this has presented extra pressure from my boss, parents and students. How do you keep up to 14 students engaged and participating all at the same time for 90 minutes? Many students simply pretend to be there or have internet problems or refuse to turn on their cameras. It often feels like talking to a wall. Staying on top involves more and more preparation time.
I am 3 months into my study and I have not produced any coursework yet because I have had to spend a lot of time reading to understand many of the core concepts. There is a limited amount of time to complete everything and some parts depend on organising observations (which inevitably relies on factors outside my control).
The load I have taken on is taking a toll on family life as it is becoming increasingly more difficult to be present and enthusiastic. Seeing the effect of this on my family creates more anxiety. I think this might actually be the biggest stressor in my life. I also feel the pressure of creating a better future for us while providing for us right now.
Work and study suck time and energy from the things that bring me meaning and energy. (E.g. quality time with family, writing, self-education/personal development, and time spent in nature).
This lack of time and energy causes more stress and anxiety, which then depletes my energy faster and faster. This then affects my mood, concentration and decision-making abilities. It also makes me more blind to the downhill path in front of me and any possible solutions.
Takeaways, priorities-the importance of purpose and rest
It is time to re-prioritise what is important-this is where purpose comes in.
My purpose guides my goals which guide my decisions and actions. My judgement has been a little off, but stepping back to see the bigger picture, the purpose I am striving for helps me to reorganise the chaos in my head and focus on what is important. Sometimes you need to adjust how you do things to get to what you are aiming at.
“If you know the why, you can live any how.” – Friedrich Nietzsche.
The obvious takeaways (now that I have analysed my situation a little more) are that I need to prioritise reducing stress, rethinking my attitude to stressful situations, and increasing rest. Prioritising rest initially seemed counter-intuitive to me because it involves sacrificing time I could be spending on productivity. However, it is not actually as tough a decision as I first thought.
If I get back to a good base level, my productivity will increase naturally, and I will be back on course to achieving my goals. I can do more in less time and I will be less stressed and anxious.
However, the lesson is that I need to develop a system to make sure I do not consistently miss out on rest or sleep. The action steps are to build rest into my schedule and actively choose to rest when my body is signalling it needs it and work on reducing stress and anxiety.
Summary/TLDR
To reduce stress and anxiety, increase energy and productivity and be more present:
Prioritise rest/sleep
Reduce non-goal related activities
Reduce stressors that are in my control and change my attitude to those that are not
Schedule and allow flexibility for rest/sleep when needed
Guard your mind!
How do you manage stress and anxiety?
thejourneyx 