I’m gonna preface by saying I don’t think what I’m experiencing is normal. I don’t know if this is something I should seek help for or just be curious about. Please comment if you have any insight…A lot is happening to me at the moment that I don’t yet fully understand.
I’ve been alone for a full day and something is shifting. I don’t yet know for good or ill.
Context: I’m in the middle of dealing with childhood trauma and associated childhood amnesia and ongoing bouts of dissociation, with the realisation I may also be neurodivergent. I’m also living alone for a month. This is my second full day alone, and I’m getting occasional jumps of paranoia, thinking someone is in the house when no one is. This is also the first time in years that I’ve been able to unmask and just be.
Apart from the occasional paranoia, most of the sensations I’m feeling are pleasant. I’m experiencing closed-eye and peripheral colour visual hallucinations that seem to be interacting with amplified auditory hallucinations. So far, it seems like this happens when I’m in an elevated state of emotion. Despite being in my house, music sounds echoey like I’m in a club and it seems to be interacting with the colours. It’s like I’m being warmly embraced or bathing in colour and sound.
Sometimes when I’m in the zone, the peripheral and closed-eye vision goes a warm yellow. It used to be just when I was in the zone working on an assignment or project, but now it feels like it’s extending to a sense of complete presence at times.
The weird thing is, I sense this has always been there; I’m just noticing it now. I have past memories of my eyes ringing and having light-triggered migraines, which had elements of visual disturbance. I have a history of being out of touch with my emotions, so this is all rather interesting.
Do you have any insight or suggestions for me? I’d really appreciate it. Thank you.
Love JR
thejourneyx 