If there’s one single thing you can do to immediately improve your life and the lives of those around you it’s presence. Presence is the greatest present. In this post I’ll talk about my experience of presence, flow, why presence is important and some ways that have helped me to achieve it.
What is presence?
When I talk about presence, I mean giving something or someone your full attention. This means no internal or external distractions (mind-wandering, technology etc.). It means being immersed in and noticing all your senses, keeping eye contact, listening and being there fully.
Flow
A different kind of presence is flow. This is a mental state where you are immersed in an activity or task that is meaningful, challenging, and achievable. Everything seems to connect like a fluid chain. Sometimes it feels like magic. Ideas seemingly come from nowhere. Time seems to dissolve and you become one with what you are doing – like the flow of water. For more on this, check out the work of Stephen Kotler and Rian Doris and their work at Flow Research Collective.
Benefits of being present
When you are fully present or in flow it’s impossible to be anxious or depressed. It feels like time doesn’t exist. I feel a sense of oneness. It’s like ‘I’ disappear and become what I’m doing. Nothing else exists in that moment. I believe the more you can do this, the more fulfilled you will be. A lot of mental health problems revolve around our thinking about the past and future, so we miss out on the present. The present is all that truly exists – our memories of the past get distorted and the future never arrives.
The benefits of being present extend to those around you. It shows that you care about them and are interested in them. As you do this more and as you come out of depression or anxiety, you have more capacity to act more positively around others and brighten their days.
How to be present
If you’re anything like me, being and staying present takes continuous practice and training. I often find myself pulled in a thousand directions or tempted to pick up my phone for no good reason. However, training to focus is like training your muscles. Once you use them more and start to see the benefits for yourself, it gets easier and builds momentum. The first step is eliminating as many distractions as you possibly can. The second is paying attention.
Eliminate Distractions
For written or creative work, I eliminate distractions by putting my phone on silent or airplane mode, switching it off, or switching off all notifications. I no longer check emails much because if it’s that important, someone will find me. I have set places where I do my work and my laptop is reserved mostly for work. I do most of my important work in the early morning before most people are around. Having a minimal workspace and setting up a comfortable enjoyable environment help. I have a nice quality coffee and put on glitch, lo-fi, liquid D’n’B or no music depending on the energy I want to create. Right now, as I write, I’m using a focus feature on my laptop which only allows me to see this page and no other apps or windows.
I try not to become dependent on these things though because sometimes things don’t work out. The most important thing is to wake up and get started as soon as possible before the distractions come in and the day gets away.
Sometimes the distractions are the voice in my head wanting to be lazy or procrastinate but I’m learning to do the opposite of what that voice says and the results are fantastic. If something’s important to you, do it first. Win the day then it doesn’t matter what else happens.
Pay attention
When I’m with other people, I’m training myself to give people my full attention, listen carefully to what they say, bite my tongue and ask questions to encourage people to share more.
Spending a lot of time around children has helped me tune into this more because children are always present and want to talk to you. It trains you to ask good questions. The other aspect is that it simply makes them happy knowing you’re there with them, are interested in them and are not looking away or playing with your phone. This applies to adults too! My child is noticeably happiest when their parents are with them playing or chatting without any distractions. Those are our best days and I aim to create more of those together.
When I’m doing something by myself, I’m training myself to be mindful. I try to notice all the senses I experience and immerse myself in that moment.
Training yourself to be present each day will pay off massively over time. It’s an ongoing challenge but it is worth the effort. Along with having a gratitude practice, it’s been a game changer in improving my mental health.
We’ve looked at how presence is about giving someone or something your full attention, the concept of flow, the benefits of being present (particularly on your mental health and the lives of those around you) and how to be present mainly through eliminating distractions which allows you to focus on the person, people or task at that moment.
How has being present improved your life?
What were you doing when you were present?
How did it feel?
Can you make it happen again?
Further Study on Flow
Flow Research Collective, 2023
https://www.flowresearchcollective.com
Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience – Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Harper Perennial Modern Classics, July 1, 2008
Rian Doris, YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/@riandoris
Steven Kotler, YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/@StevenKotlerOfficial
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